Connect with your Students over Vulnerability. Showing them you are Vulnerable makes you a Strong Teacher. SEL

Showing your Vulnerability Makes You a Strong Teacher

This morning, as I lazily scrolled through Facebook while still snuggled up in bed, I stumbled upon a comment from a fellow teacher. She was new to teaching and found herself in a challenging school environment. She expressed her struggle with managing behavior in her class, mentioning that the students seemed to laugh at her when she turned. She sought guidance and contacted her colleagues, hoping to learn behavior management techniques from more experienced teachers.

I want to address new and not so new teachers facing similar situations: I hear you, my fellow educator. Whoever you are, please know that your voice has been heard, not just by me but by countless excellent teachers who responded to your post with their best intentions.

As I read through the responses, I noticed a too-common trend. Most teachers suggested disciplinary actions such as calling parents, involving administrators, and overwhelming students with excessive work. While I understand the intention behind these suggestions, I respectfully but strongly disagree with such approaches. Instead, I believe in a different direction, one that involves embracing vulnerability and picking your battles so you can extinguish your fires, one at a time, and avoid burning yourself out. 

Let me explain.

My Teaching Journey

My teaching journey began in London, with a degree in Humanities and a teaching training background that left much to be desired. My certification, CAP in Spain, felt very short to prepare me for the challenges ahead. Adding to the situation's complexity was my less-than-perfect command of the English language. 

Let me paint a picture to show you how unprepared I was. At the time, I was working in a pub during the evenings and pursuing a master's degree online while sleeping in a bed above a kitchen in a warehouse in East London. Don’t judge me; I was completely broke. 

During this hectic period, I received my first call to start working as a supply teacher. I barely had appropriate clothes to present myself professionally in a school setting, and my last experience inside a school had been my graduation. It was quite a leap into the unknown, as you and probably the students I had to teach could see. 

Despite my lack of resources, my desire to start teaching was unwavering. I borrowed a shirt from a friend and pieced together an outfit with the only clothes that could barely pass the test: a black denim skirt and short rain boots paired with thick tights. Looking back, I cringe at the memory and can't help but roll my eyes as I write this. Nevertheless, determined and eager, I embarked on my first teaching lesson.

It was terrible!. Thankfully, the teaching assistant present in the classroom was a kind and understanding young woman who empathized with my struggles. She graciously took over the class, probably embarrassed about what she witnessed, feeling something called “vergüenza ajena” in Spanish. 

Funny story: I crossed paths with her again when I became a full-time and real teacher in a challenging school in Hackney a few years later. She remembered me, obviously,  and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to express my profound gratitude for her support on that fateful, dreadful first day of my teaching career and how much it meant to me what she did on that day. 

Starting as a supply teacher, I was in a perpetual state of change, moving from one school to another daily. This constant rotation meant I had limited opportunities to establish bonds with the students or even make a concerted effort to remember their names, which I often mispronounced, inadvertently giving them reasons to chuckle from our first encounter. 

As I was embarking on this teaching career, I soon realized that I needed to adapt and develop my strategies to navigate the challenges that came my way.

My ultimate goal was to emotionally survive while getting the students to do their work, as doing my job correctly and getting positive feedback from the school would increase my chances of receiving future assignments from my agency, and I really wanted to become a teacher. 

Embracing Vulnerability

One strategy that proved invaluable was embracing vulnerability. I was well aware that during the register-taking process, my accent, mispronunciations, and struggles with the English language often sparked laughter among the students. 

Instead of ignoring or being embarrassed by this, I decided to confront it head-on. When introducing myself, I would warmly greet the class with phrases like, "Hey, everyone! How's it going today? I'm stepping in for your regular teacher, and now it's time to take attendance. Since I'm still getting to know all of your names, and English isn't my native language, I might stumble over a few. I'd appreciate your help correcting me so I can address each of you properly. I want you to know I'm not trying to be disrespectful, and I genuinely value your patience and support."

This simple and genuine approach completely transformed the atmosphere during the register-taking process and set the mood for the lesson. Openly acknowledging my challenges and imperfections allowed me to show the students that I, too, am a human being who makes mistakes, just like them. 

This approach became the cornerstone of my teaching philosophy, and I quickly realized that it could be extended to address any behavior issue we encounter in the classroom. Recognizing and discussing our struggles creates a safe space for students to do the same. This cultivates empathy and understanding among the students, as they see their teacher as a relatable figure who understands their challenges and doesn’t have everything figured out. 

Moreover, by modeling vulnerability, we encourage students to take risks and step outside their comfort zones, which comes particularly handy in the World Language Class, but not exclusively. 

Pick your Battles

In addition to embracing vulnerability, I found another specific strategy that worked well in that situation. I offered the students 5-10 minutes of free time at the end of class if they remained focused and worked silently for 45 minutes on the tasks assigned by their regular teacher. While this approach may not be universally applicable and probably not 100% advisable for full-time teachers, it worked for me in that very situation. 

By choosing this approach, I made my life as a teacher more manageable in these early stages of my career, and the students, incentivized by some free time, could complete their work so I could accomplish my main two goals: survive and get the students to complete their work. 

Achieving one destination at a time allowed me to set another goal and keep growing while figuring out how this teaching thing worked.

Suppose I had pursued a confrontational approach involving administrators or parents to start with in trying to get the respect I sought. I might have got silent working kids, but acting from fear, not respect, and this is not a good place from which to learn. Having said that, I do acknowledge that getting admin and parents involved might be the only way in some cases, and It is a resource we can reach out to whenever we find ourselves in situations where we can’t carry out our educator duties. 

Advise to teachers who struggle with behavior

So, to all new teachers and not so new teachers who are struggling with behavior in their classes, remember to set realistic expectations and focus on manageable goals: one step at a time. Show your authentic self in front of your students, it can be simpler that we sometimes think it is. Engage in meaningful conversations with your students, showing them that you truly care and reach out to colleagues and the admin team for further support and guidance if you need to. You are not alone in this journey, and remember that is the experience the one that makes great teachers. 

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